Again
Had another... day. Kinda like the last entry. Only weaker. But more painful in ways. Oh, and I don't care if you want to read this shit, I need to write this so it makes more sense to me. Get my words out.
Anyway, yeah. Yesterday was weird too. I was sitting in Dracula rehearsals when I got this big... compressing feeling that I'm missing something incredibly vital and important. I've never really felt that before either. It feels like the kind of thing that should be recurring, but it wasn't. First time. Anyway... again. Haha. Really depressed today. Right from when I woke up, too. Probably from the dream I had. Which I won't mention. Maybe as friends-only post on LJ. Even though the only people who read this blog are the ones who are ON my friends-only list on LJ. I'd do that now but LJ it blocked from the school. BUT WHATEVER. I have wrestling in ten minutes. Just ran upstairs in the band room to charge my iPod a little. Damn thing keeps almost dying around last period... FOCUS, DAMN IT!
This girl in my art class was talking about how she's going to go to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation kind of thing, complete with MRIs and shit. She was really scared, and the idea of it was freaking me out. Yet, I also thought that it might be a really good idea. I know there are some things wrong with me, but I don't know what they are or how to fix it. So... Maybe. I should talk to a councellor first. If I had time. I should MAKE time. Seriously. It feels like it's getting more and more important to get outside help lately. Like for the fact that I have absolutely no motivation for anything, especially math and social class. Everything else is pretty okay... Maybe it's the whole "everything is too damn mundane" thing again. SHIT it's hot up here. I don't even need math or social to do what I want to do career-wise. But I still need to graduate. I think math is turning into a sort of phobia... sort of. Like today when the teacher was talking, it felt like the words were making my brain dirty and not right. Then I put my headphones in and felt 100% better. And I listened to something other than Boingo today! All my depressing emo shit that't not Boingo. But still lots of Boingo. Damn I really love them. And now to go get changed for wrestling.
Anyway, yeah. Yesterday was weird too. I was sitting in Dracula rehearsals when I got this big... compressing feeling that I'm missing something incredibly vital and important. I've never really felt that before either. It feels like the kind of thing that should be recurring, but it wasn't. First time. Anyway... again. Haha. Really depressed today. Right from when I woke up, too. Probably from the dream I had. Which I won't mention. Maybe as friends-only post on LJ. Even though the only people who read this blog are the ones who are ON my friends-only list on LJ. I'd do that now but LJ it blocked from the school. BUT WHATEVER. I have wrestling in ten minutes. Just ran upstairs in the band room to charge my iPod a little. Damn thing keeps almost dying around last period... FOCUS, DAMN IT!
This girl in my art class was talking about how she's going to go to the hospital for a psychiatric evaluation kind of thing, complete with MRIs and shit. She was really scared, and the idea of it was freaking me out. Yet, I also thought that it might be a really good idea. I know there are some things wrong with me, but I don't know what they are or how to fix it. So... Maybe. I should talk to a councellor first. If I had time. I should MAKE time. Seriously. It feels like it's getting more and more important to get outside help lately. Like for the fact that I have absolutely no motivation for anything, especially math and social class. Everything else is pretty okay... Maybe it's the whole "everything is too damn mundane" thing again. SHIT it's hot up here. I don't even need math or social to do what I want to do career-wise. But I still need to graduate. I think math is turning into a sort of phobia... sort of. Like today when the teacher was talking, it felt like the words were making my brain dirty and not right. Then I put my headphones in and felt 100% better. And I listened to something other than Boingo today! All my depressing emo shit that't not Boingo. But still lots of Boingo. Damn I really love them. And now to go get changed for wrestling.
posted by Spockula at 2:31 PM
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